Puddin loves the simple things; chewing on a stick, rolling in some grass, having a swim. She’ll play fetch sometimes, but almost never with a ball. She is down just about anything, she just likes to be included. Trip to the vet? Two-day road trip stuck in the car? Let’s goooooo!! She loves me no matter how atypical I am, no matter if I mask my neurodiversity or not, and even when we have to leave places early because I’m overstimulated. Her unconditional love is my new standard for dating which means I’ll be single for the rest of my life. There is no comparison. I get out of bed for her. I go to work for her. She is the first, the last, my everything.
Puddin is my soul dog. I had a soul cat in elementary school that just showed up and never left. Thank you cat distribution system! Eventually, after weeks of begging, my parents let me keep him (they were NOT cat people). I didn’t have siblings and he showed up just in time to weather me through my first transition storm. None of us knew how hard transitions would be for me, and even at the time it wasn’t happening I didn’t realize. But I know now (thank you Dr. Gayle!)
Transitions are still hard for me and I seem to have them often, so it’s a good thing I can be more proactive these days. In 20I8, I was planning a move to Maryland after losing my mom the previous December. I was moving for what seemed like a perfect fit of a job at the time, but I was still hollow from grief. I needed assistance if I had any chance of making it through this transition. No partner, kids, siblings, or parents and living somewhere I knew no one? I was going to need BIG support. The obvious choice was a dog.
I was talking this decision over with my therapist, thinking about all the qualities I would need in a dog. A dog that needs regular exercise and would force me to leave the house, something which I will avoid like a stranger knocking on my door, despite it being good for me. I needed a smart dog, easy to train, friendly disposition. I didn’t care, or really consider, grooming. I looked up traits and all signs pointed to a Golden Retriever. I had always loved goldens, but never thought of actually buying one.
We never bought pets growing up, they just appeared. A neighbor’s dog had puppies and they needed to get rid of them or you went to adopt a pet. BUY a dog? I mentioned getting a dog from a shelter because so many dogs need homes. My therapist agreed and understood, but was also looking out for me and drawing attention to the things I didn’t see. She laughed and said to me, “But you’re the rescue dog!” With that realization fully forming, I decided it would be better for this particular transition, at this exact time, to get a dog with more predictable needs. I found a breeder through the AKC and went to see a man about a dog.
I knew I wanted a girl so they brought all the girls out for me to see. They were all so little and so cute, so new! I simply said, “heeeey,” and Puddin came running.. She chose me and I chose her right back. Immediately, I knew she was here for one purpose, to give love. And she does just that. She gives love to everyone, sometimes against their will, sometimes against mine LOL! She doesn’t discriminate. If she sees someone that gives her the slightest hint that they are into dogs, a small smile, eye contact, or saying hello in passing she wants to meet them. I don’t always want to meet people. Sometimes it’s embarrassing, like she’ll just trip all over herself to get pets from a man. A man! How embarrassing. She has no shame. But it’s just who she is.
I hear people sometimes shout, “Not friendly” so others know to stay away from their reactive dog. My warning for Puddin is, “Over friendly!” If given the opportunity, she will give a quick kiss on the mouth, quickly swiping her tongue IN your mouth before you even know what’s happening. It never fails to make you laugh, though, like aww, she got me! Maybe that’s why she keeps doing it, it’s turned into a game….Seriously though, she has never met a stranger, not once, in her entire life.
Puddin is an emotional support animal to the core. It is her calling. She wasn’t trained to be, intentionally, she just naturally came to be because it’s what I needed. She is a dog that was raised by cats and became a literal care bear. Sometimes I get compliments because of it, and I always say I didn’t do anything, she came that way. Just look at her little heart-shaped belly!!
She can sense when emotions are heavy and she will come close and sit in the darkness with you, until. Puddin has quite literally pulled me from the swamps of sadness more than once. There have been huge transitions since we became a team, the pandemic, leaving Maryland, a second marriage that should never have been, and another move across states. She has been my rotten soldier, my sweet cheese, my good-time girl, through all of it.
The pandemic hit after we moved to Maryland. I had not yet realized that I was untethered until there was a pull to go home and be with my family only to realize I was at home and with my family. Everyone was hunkering down in their nuclear families and I had Pud. It was difficult to say the least, to not know if the world was ending but to know if it was,I was on my own. I focused on work, but some days were impossible. Some days I stayed in bed a full 24 hours, not even getting up to pee. And Puddin was right there beside me. If I was bed rotting, she was bed rotting. If I got up, she got up and if I didn’t, she didn’t. Had she not been there then, I wouldn’t be here today.
Every year has seems to hold another difficult transition for me and she’s been there each time. Puddin’s practice with me has allowed her to hone her expertise and expand her services to helping others. Every time I see her do it with someone else, my heart swells. Even if nothing is wrong, someone is reacting to a TV show and Pud is deeply concerned and tries to comfort them, I’m so proud of her. Some days I have to be on campus long hours so she’ll hang out with friends until I’m done. Every once in awhile I’ll get a photo of her in bed with one of the kiddos and I know that kiddo is having a rough time for whatever reason with big feelings. And I know Puddin is helping them by making sure they know they are seen and felt.
Puddin turned 8 this year! Did you know she was born on my mom’s birthday? Well, she was was or at lest the week of my mom’s birthday. I wasn’t told the exact date. They are both July babies, Cancer Suns, the best sign for a mom or caretaker if you ask me 🙂 I wish they could have known each other here on Earth, but at least there was only a small gap after losing my mom before I got Pud.
I go back and forth between getting another dog and keeping her all to myself. A younger dog could help Pud stay young and allow her to pass the perfect dog torch to the next generation. I’ve regretted getting her spade all those years ago. I’ve been thinking about a second dog for awhile. We are finally settling into our new path in Colorado after being here a year. I have achieved a sense of peace I’ve not felt before, so I think it’s time to start looking. This time I can go to the shelters. I’m not the shelter dog anymore, Puddin rescued me, and now it’s time to pay it forward.
Leave a Reply